


Young and Easily Destructible

by grumpysimon



Category: BBC Doctor Who, Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, Ficlet-ish, Multi, Post Angels Take Manhattan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-12 07:37:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grumpysimon/pseuds/grumpysimon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone tries to keep up appearances after they've lost someone that they loved very much. But it doesn't just move on directly. The spaces in between the period of loss and the period of moving on are the times when you can't even live for yourself, you live for someone else, and they keep you together by tying you up in ribbons of bright colours to keep your shattered pieces in place;  holding your hands, and kissing your lips. </p>
<p>             {Eleven/River set after Angels Take Manhattan but before Bells of Saint John.}</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. twisted, tangled and broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor struggles.

New typewriters are fantastic. Perfectly printed buttons, types easily as ever, clearly printed. It's fantastic. But typing on an old typewriter is much different, especially the ones that are practically ancient. The writing is finished messily, the letters that were once clearly printed on the buttons are fading away, which makes it harder to compose a piece of writing and then call it something you are proud of. Sometimes, when you end a story with someone, you end it gracefully, like on a brand-new typewriter, with a clean finish and a hopeful future. But other times, when you finish a story with someone, you finish it in a way that is sloppy, with tear tracks smearing the ink of the last bit of what was once an amazing brand of story.  
The Doctor was sitting in a junk room of the TARDIS thinking about that. There were books and things to write with all over the library in the TARDIS, from quill-pens and ink to typewriters to the most genius computer you could probably think of.  


His story with Amelia Pond had the beginning of a book that would linger around through centuries, but when it ended, it had ended with stone statues and tear tracks on the paper. Amy was gone, and so was Rory, and what they had left behind was a daughter who had learned already how to be abandoned and a Time Lord, whose two hearts were more than cracked neatly down the middle- both of them were nearly completely shattered. The Doctor was still trying to convince himself that he was completely indestructible. He knew that he wasn't, though, and even the people who vacated the space around him knew it well. But he didn't want to think about it.  


River Song was still standing outside of the box, staring at her mother's gravestone. Her mother and her father, buried in a grave that they’d already seen.  
“I’ll miss you, mum and dad.” River said quietly. She wasn’t going to show the pain she’d felt, not to anyone. She’d gotten used to hiding.  


She wanted to go back into that infinite blue box and remind that amazing man that he wasn't nothing, and that it wasn't his fault, but she didn't know how to say it. She didn't know how to tell him she loved him, she didn't know how to tell him that he mattered. After a while of standing out there, she became chilled and went back inside to the console room. The Doctor wasn't there, he was somewhere within the depths of the TARDIS. River knew that the Doctor became the most dangerous man that you would ever meet when he had lost someone he cared about.  


He could crush entire civilizations with just a look in his eyes; and he hated himself for it.  


Amelia Pond had been closest to him since the day he regenerated, and River knew that the loss was going to tear him into bits and pieces. River sat there, for a while, just thinking, when she started to hear crashes and yelling. The sound of the anger that you feel after you lose someone you care about. The Doctor was back there, somewhere, destroying everything he could break within sight. River loved that man, but when he was like this, he was scary as hell.  


"Doctor?" She called. River knew that he couldn't hear her, but it was worth a shot anyway. River Song, was, in all honesty, scared. This man, to her, was the best man she'd ever known, but he was also the most dangerous man she'd ever known. River loved him unconditionally, either way. But this wasn't a romance novel for the two of them. This was a story of adventure, and loss, and pain, but also a story of saving whoever in reach who could be saved. Sometimes, though, you would reach out to save them, reaching, scrabbling for them, but they didn’t want to be saved. They’d already made their decision.  


The Doctor had made his life to be a peaceful one after all of the destruction that had followed him. But even in his own home, his TARDIS, he couldn't help but destroy. Amelia Pond was dead. She was gone. He was the man with a time machine, but he knew that going back to see her would surely tear him apart. He was crying, and he was destroying anything that seemed vaguely breakable. His fault, his fault, his fault. He was blaming it on himself, all of it, and he was trapping himself in a unbreakable box full of rising water that was going to drown and kill him. The destruction was inevitable.  


He knew that Amy and Rory were going to die, and all he'd wanted to do was keep them safe, and away from harm. He'd failed more than anything at that. He'd watched as everything that he'd ever gotten close to crumbled into ashes. They died, or they forgot him, or they moved on, and became someone who didn't want him. River made her way into a room full of more than ancient relics that the Doctor had saved, after all the years of his travels. He called it junk, usually. He’d seen so much that it didn’t matter. He stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by piles of shattered glass, and the dust that was left from the broken. 

His hands were covered in scratches from all the throwing and the breaking he'd done, clouded by the pain. He was an impossible man, and he was just as breakable as the most fragile glass. A breakable man with his breakable things, and his not so breakable girls. He'd destroyed ancient, ancient things, and relics that didn't even exist yet, things that wouldn't exist for thousands of years. He hadn't noticed River yet. He threw another vase from ancient China across the room, yelling at the top of his lungs. It shattered on the wall, leaving only more broken pieces on the floor.  


Future and past, broken among a man whose only goal was to save it all- or so he tried to believe. He picked another glass ball, one that looked more or less like something you'd see from a diviner, and he was about to throw it, with all the force that he had, when River stopped him. 

"Doctor!" She yelled. He turned to look at her, and she could see worlds burning in his eyes. There were tear tracks on his pale skin, and the overall look of him shocked River from words. He turned back, ready to throw it again, ready to ignore River Song and block all of it out, when  
River ran to him, grabbing his hand before he could break another thing. The glass and the other broken things on the floor were brushed aside. The Doctor's hands were bleeding profusely. River didn't know how he could hurt himself like that if all he was doing was breaking, and destroying, but she dismissed the thought.  


"Sweetie." She began, losing track of what she wanted to say once again. "Sweetie, you have to stop." He looked so very angry for a moment, but after that fearful moment, his eyes seemed to soften a bit. The fire in his eyes seemed to be extinguished, and his breathing slowed. River became less frightened. She always knew that she loved someone dangerous, and she loved the thrill of it, but she also loved the parts of him that were clumsy, and dumb, and flirty, and everything else in between. She was a woman with a kill ‘em smile and a heart that had seen hell, and she found that she loved the exact opposite.  


The Doctor felt like he had to build the biggest wall in the universe to keep his tears from spilling out and drowning all that was left of the shattered world. And River was so, very beautiful, with eyes like glass that even him, even now that he wouldn't dare to shatter. But he'd known her from the day that she died, and that was a start to a relationship like a rollercoaster with holes in the tracks. Not small ones, but deep, gaping ones filled with lies and secrets, but underneath it all, knowledge that he would end up loving her more than anything and that he couldn't stop or prevent her death. It tore him apart, and seeing her worry and her pain just made the Doctor feel even worse.  


"It's my fault." He muttered. "It's my fault she's gone, and it's my fault Rory's gone. I could have saved them. I... I should have protected them. I failed myself. I promised myself I wouldn't let them get hurt and I wouldn't let any more of my friends slip away." He stumbled over his words. He said the words- not so much to River, but more to the floor. (The floor, of course, wasn't as much good company, but he couldn't meet her eyes.) The Doctor slid to the floor, putting his head into his hands. 

"No, sweetie, no. It's not your fault. It could never be your fault. Don't you dare- don't you ever dare look at this kind of destruction and think that you somehow caused it. It was an accident, and Amy loved him. You know that, and you couldn't have stopped it. You think you can, Doctor, and you can do so very much; but you can't save everyone, not every time." River whispered, as if they were afraid someone would hear them, although they knew oh so well that they were alone.  


River sat down next to him, wrapping her hands around his bleeding hands, she whispered to him everything that he needed to know, for he had been seeing so much less than what was really going on for a very, extremely long time. The Doctor heard the words, as if they were being written onto his skin, etched into his hearts, rather than just being whispered into his ear. The Doctor didn't love people, very much at all. Rose Tyler was the last person he had remembered loving- the type of love that can be referred to romance, at least. But he fell in love more with River Song- more and more every day. Then they were kissing among shattered glass. River Song swore the lights flickered. It was dumb, really. What was left of the tears on the Doctor's cheeks painted onto River's face, which goodness, sounded so much like a romance novel.  


That is what everyone wanted, after all? A good old cheesy romance novel.  


They stayed there for a very long time, each thought combined with kissing and holding each other together with all they had left,a and wishing that they could never move again. After all, the two of them were time travelers, and they had all the time in the cosmos.


	2. my two hearts beating faster than ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next bit! I am sorry about the spacing, but I honestly dunno. This website is puzzling. Anyway, enjoy, there is blood, sweat, and tears on the rough draft!  
> (Smut, smut, smut)  
> <3 Kenzie

  The Doctor didn't _intend_ for all that much to happen with River Song. 

   Of course, he'd done some dumb things in his life, especially with River Song, but waking up unclothed next to her was a whole new sort of feeling. The cuts on his hands were starting to scab, and River was asleep next to him, her back facing him. He was remembering a lot of kissing- gosh, River was a good kisser. A  _extremely good_ kisser. The Doctor pushed the thought out of his mind, wrapping one of his arms over her shoulder. "Good morning, sweetie." She peeked open one of her eyes, smiling at the Doctor. 

   "That is my thing,  _sweetie."_ She said in a bad imitation of him. 

    "Now, professor River Song, remind me how we ended up in my bedroom that I forgotten had existed? I remember you suggesting we have some wine, and then there was kissing and I don't remember too much after tha-" He was rambling when River cut his words off with a kiss. "Shut up, husband." She whispered into his hear. She turned to face him so their noses and lips were touching just barely. 

It was odd for the Doctor to think that it was this same woman's lips who had carried poison for him, once. For her it was quite a long time ago, but for the Doctor it only seemed like minutes. Funny thing now they were the only things that each other had left, and they hid together, from the hell and the pain. River smiled faintly at him, kissing his forehead. "Hello, Doctor." River Song said, pressing up even closer to him. 

"Hello, River." He said, kissing her forehead. They stayed in that moment of an eternity, and then they were kissing, yet again. River Song and her madman kissed like they wanted to blend into each other. The pair found themselves breathless. "Is this what it is like?" The Doctor said, blushing. "What do you mean, my love?" River Song replied. 

"Being in love." He said, tripping over his words. This was followed by a silence with hushed breathing, as if they were waiting for something. "With you." The Doctor finished. The silence fell over them once again, but less of a pleased silence and more of a shocked silence. River blushed- which was a terribly odd thing for her to do, considering this was River, the psychopath, the fighter. 

When River was young, even though her days were spent being formatted for one purpose, she always found a moment to wonder about what she would do when the Doctor was dead. No one knew that she thought about things like that, it would be instant proof that she was straying from the pain purpose. She wondered if there would be a single person in the universe who would dare to forgive her, a being who would dare to see her more than just a monster. River Song hoped for that, she really truly did. 

River Song didn't need anyone- she had been taught to depend on what she had learned and solely herself. But no one wanted thoughts running through their head that their purpose was to be a murderer, that no one else really cared about their existence once she was done. She didn't need anyone, but for god did she want someone to need her. Not for all that much either. River only wanted someone to care that she was still breathing. Funny thing that her teachings had fallen away and she'd found a lot in a man that her sole purpose was to kill. 

The Doctor's hearts were beating oddly fast. He wasn't all that smooth around anyone- let alone River Song. The situation was anything but bad, but the two were completely unclothed, alone, and kisses and words were filling in all the gaps. The Doctor was doing a fine job at appreciating the gravity of the situation. River was as well, and their eyes met with a knowing smile. 

"God, I want you." River whispered in his ear. The Doctor practically squeaked, hearing the things that followed afterwards.


End file.
